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Post by Steve Farrelly @ 10:34am 25/09/15 | 40 Comments
I've struggled with whether or not to make this post all week, but I feel I owe it to any regular readers and to Naren to share news of his passing.

Over the past five-plus years Naren has lent a hand and his words to AusGamers, often when we've needed it most. He had a natural talent for writing and through a strong friendship with myself and many of our other contributors, quickly proved himself a reliable, witty and professional participant in both building out content on AusGamers and representing us at events and on junkets.

He was a big fan of all of the Halo, Assassin's Creed and Call of Duty games, GTAV, Fallout 3 and New Vegas, The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim, The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt, any NHL game and was anxiously awaiting Fallout 4 this year.

Sadly, he was dealing with amplified depression and anxiety over the past two months and eventually took his own life, likely for myriad reasons too small and big to wholly explain. It highlights just how mental health can affect anyone, as Naren worked as an educator with struggling and gifted children -- very rewarding work, and was himself a strong and giving person. My wife, son and I were very fortunate to have him in our lives on a daily basis as part of our family through living with us, and we couldn't possibly thank him enough for all the support he gave us.

Naren's most recent content for AusGamers was on Halo 5 and its multiplayer, and he also did a piece over at Red Bull after a hotlap in the Xbox One V8 Supercar.

He will be forever missed, and we thank him for his contributions to AusGamers over the years.

Please, if you're struggling with anything at all, contact Lifeline 13 11 14, visit Beyond Blue, talk to a friend or family member, or your local doctor.










Latest Comments
Enska
Posted 10:59am 25/9/15
That's s*** news Steve sorry to hear. RIP old mate.
PornoPete
Posted 11:18am 25/9/15
Well that is really sad. RIP.
notgreazy
Posted 12:09pm 25/9/15
damn... didn't even know him but :(

Hope he can finally find his rest.
nachosjustice
Posted 12:11pm 25/9/15
I'm gonna miss you, bud. AG (among other things) won't be the same without you.
dais
Posted 12:21pm 25/9/15
Very sad news, my condolences.
infi
Posted 12:21pm 25/9/15
Damn that sucks. Depression is like a black hole. RIP dude.
rrrocket
Posted 12:27pm 25/9/15
very sad news.

Even his love for gaming couldn't prevent this. I always thought to myself if I ever got depressed I'd have gaming.

He must have been in a bad place :(

RIP
517H
Posted 01:23pm 25/9/15
You did the right thing posting this, Steve.

If anybody has ever thought of suicide I urge you to call Lifeline (13 11 14)
KostaAndreadis
Posted 01:25pm 25/9/15
A true gentle soul, and a tragic loss... you will be missed
d^
Posted 05:32pm 25/9/15
RIP sad news, very unfortunate to have taken his life.
Chippen
Posted 06:26pm 25/9/15
Very sad news. RIP.

Please seek help if you need it.
Everlong
Posted 06:34pm 25/9/15
Condolences
Spook
Posted 06:52pm 25/9/15
reading about this and russel gilberts missus make you realise how much of a struggle this s*** is.

people who don't deal with it have no idea. (note: i have no idea)
Tanaka Khan
Posted 09:37pm 25/9/15
I've been dealing with clinical depression and anxiety for a few years now and to just touch on what rrrocket said -
Even his love for gaming couldn't prevent this. I always thought to myself if I ever got depressed I'd have gaming.

It doesn't really work like that. I've lost track of the hours and days I've sat at my computers with just no motivation to even turn them on let alone play them.

I had been on Work Cover for a total of 3 and a half years, unemployed for 2 of those years so you could say I've had unlimited time to do what ever I've wanted, but there are many days where I just don't want to get out of bed, and even days where I sleep straight for 24-36 hours and not realize it.
Medication is a b****. I guess it helps to some degree but more often than not it just masks the issues. Unfortunately I'm currently on so many medications it's going to take a long time for me to ever come off them.

The one thing I'll say is seek help and talk to some one, it's the first step. And avoid those people who think it's all a joke, they have no f*****g idea.
Joaby
Posted 10:25am 26/9/15
I'm gonna miss him so much. Naren was such a great guy and a good friend. We had awesome times and it crushes me to think they'll never happen again.

In San Francisco one time he and I and another friend were smashing drinks in some trendy s***hole, playing pool on this ratty as f***, warped out table that the bar clearly still had because it oozed 'dive bar'. We'd had enough to start putting wagers on the games. And the bets weren't for money or anything worth anything, but the loser typically lost hard. One bet involved fellating the nasty f*****g pool cue, another had the loser drink a terrible c***tail of sambucca and chartreuse, another still had them lick one of the stains on the glorious finished sidings of the table itself. Stupid s*** you do when you're drunk and jetlagged and out with mates. And I remember I didn't lose the whole night. Not at all. On any given night Naren was 50 times the pool player I was. I'd be playing not to get pantsed around him, forget winning. But he was this lucky charm, this confidence boost from out of left field who made you feel invincible. I think the words he said to me the most were 'yeah man, you should do it'. To hear him tell it, you were capable of everything, all the time. And so on this night I won every game of pool, our other friend nearly hooked up with the lady tending bar and I had one of my most memorable evenings ever. And when he lost, he didn't back down from his punishment. Not once. He went to f*****g town on that pool cue.

I wish I'd told him how much I valued his friendship more. I wish he'd known how capable he was of everything. I wish I'd been his Naren.

Depression runs deep in my family, and it can be so hard to understand if you've never experienced it. The worst thing is that it can convince you not that suicide is an option, but that it's the best option. Most of the time it just feels like a vague apathy, but sometimes it elevates into something worse. It's not even self-loathing, just an existential scenario you play out to what seems like its logical conclusion. And if you never talk to anyone about it, that conclusion can seem more and more inevitable. Meanwhile, like Tanaka said, motivation is a problem as well. Trying to dig yourself out is hard when you just can't be f***ed to do so. I usually get lowest just before a long plane flight. I've stopped drinking on planes because of it. Staying on track is rough. I've lost an uncle and now Naren in the last three months to depression. It's for real.

Everyone says it, but really, really remember. Even when you think there's nobody, even when you think you have nothing left, there are reasons to go on. And I know if you're remembering this you might scoff, because this whole thing has me in a deep fog and the words feel hollow as f*** to me but believe me, people will talk to you about it. People want to talk to you about it. Call a hotline, or a friend, or your dad or something.

I'll miss you Naren.
Steve Farrelly
Posted 01:29pm 26/9/15
<3
nings
Posted 11:27am 27/9/15
Sad to hear, RIP.
E.T.
Posted 12:18pm 27/9/15
Nice post Steve. Well done bud. Very sad news.
Phooks
Posted 06:46pm 27/9/15
RIP Naren

rrrocket
Posted 08:29pm 27/9/15
I've been dealing with clinical depression and anxiety for a few years now and to just touch on what rrrocket said -

It doesn't really work like that. I've lost track of the hours and days I've sat at my computers with just no motivation to even turn them on let alone play them.

I had been on Work Cover for a total of 3 and a half years, unemployed for 2 of those years so you could say I've had unlimited time to do what ever I've wanted, but there are many days where I just don't want to get out of bed, and even days where I sleep straight for 24-36 hours and not realize it.
Medication is a b****. I guess it helps to some degree but more often than not it just masks the issues. Unfortunately I'm currently on so many medications it's going to take a long time for me to ever come off them.

The one thing I'll say is seek help and talk to some one, it's the first step. And avoid those people who think it's all a joke, they have no f*****g idea.



Yeah I guess I really do have no idea. And I hope that I continue to be that way tbh. I recently visited my Dr's to ask about it. Wondering if I had it as I've had a few thoughts going through my head etc.. he asked me some questions etc.. and at this stage nothing comes up that says depressed.

It's true though, I actually think that I wouldn't get depressed cause I'd just play games or watch movies etc.. Don't want to sound shallow or anything but it's just my opinion. I totally understand it's more than that now.
notgreazy
Posted 10:20am 28/9/15
The one thing I'll say is seek help and talk to some one, it's the first step. And avoid those people who think it's all a joke, they have no f*****g idea.

This is good advice.

Even random internet strangers is a first step. If you want to talk about it, this might be a thread for it.

Still not a substitute for seeking medical help, if you are worried about costs then don't. See your GP, ask to be evaluated for and considered for a Mental Health Plan. You get 5 visits to a psychologist which are covered under medicare and another 5 if the doctor thinks you need more. This can be for any kind of mental illness.

Your work place will usually also have a service similar to this.
Khel
Posted 10:56am 28/9/15
I never really knew Naren, but I enjoyed reading his articles and it sounds like he was a great guy. Its a tragedy to lose anyone so young this way :(

It's true though, I actually think that I wouldn't get depressed cause I'd just play games or watch movies etc.. Don't want to sound shallow or anything but it's just my opinion. I totally understand it's more than that now.


Yeah, the catch is, you're thinking rationally about it now. When you spiral down into depression though, you're no longer thinking rationally, your entire perception of yourself and the world around you gets bent and warped to the point where logic and rational thinking no longer applies. Its like everything coming in, everything anyone says to you or any sensory stimulus from the world around you gets passed through this filter that bends it all out of shape like a funhouse mirror does to your reflection and you end up with an entirely warped view of everything. Even a friend telling you something genuine and nice like "You're a great guy" gets bent and warped to the point where you end up thinking to yourself "They're just telling me that because they think its what I want to hear, they're just trying to placate me so I'll go away because they're sick of dealing with my s*** and I'm a burden on them".

It really is a pretty horrible illness, I've met people who think being depressed is just being really sad, but its not even that, I wasn't even sad when I was in the depths of it, if anything its just a lack of feeling anything, no emotion no motivation no anything. One of the first things a psychologist will help with you is a method for taking a step back and analysing the thoughts you're having and proving to yourself that the things you're telling yourself aren't true. Its never something you can 'cure' though, its something you carry with you for life, and you're probably going to relapse, but each time it'll be a little bit better and you'll get better at realising when you're having those thoughts and stopping them. But it has to start somewhere, and that first step is probably the hardest, but please if anyones reading this and you think theres no hope for you or its not worth it or its too hard, theres always hope and its never too late. Make a call and talk to someone, even if its the only thing you do today, summon up every last ounce of motivation you have and make that your goal for the day. Or if you don't know where to start, start here, its where I started https://www.beyondblue.org.au/
Steve Farrelly
Posted 11:16am 28/9/15
That's a spot-on breakdown Khel. In Naren's case, he'd been dealing with a lot of family stuff. His father passed away five years ago and he has lived with ever since, but it took a piece of him and he worked his arse off to try and fill the void. This, however, only added to it and he just kept over-rationalising everything and assumed his analysis of himself was exactly the same he'd get from a professional. As I mentioned in the news piece, he worked with kids. He's worked with Hugh Jackman's kids, Robert DeNiro's kids and myriad other big names, and no names - and it was truly rewarding work.

Two months ago he went through a break-up, and it just became the catalyst for that spiral Khel talked about. He would get caught in logic loops, and I literally saw his brain just breaking. He attempted the bad deed once before, but I talked him down, he sought help, got medicated, went into some very dark places, but emerged capable of dealing with the world. But that sense of being capable also prompted him to stop taking his meds, and he just reverted, and even though I saw his relapse and convinced him to get back on them, it was just too late.

It's not a sadness, it's a sickness and you should never misinterpret it that way. Seek help, ask for help and if you know someone who is doing it tough, put your hand up for them, because chances they can't actually do it themselves.
Tanaka Khan
Posted 01:26pm 28/9/15
Yeah, the catch is, you're thinking rationally about it now. When you spiral down into depression though, you're no longer thinking rationally, your entire perception of yourself and the world around you gets bent and warped to the point where logic and rational thinking no longer applies.


Spot on there Khel. I've been able to remember what i was thinking a few times when I've had episodes and part of me is like "I was seriously thinking THAT?????"
You have no control, it's like your another person.

if you are worried about costs then don't. See your GP, ask to be evaluated for and considered for a Mental Health Plan. You get 5 visits to a psychologist which are covered under medicare and another 5 if the doctor thinks you need more.


My psychiatrist is really good with this. He would usually bill Work Cover about $150-$200 a visit, but once I came off of Work Cover, and had to pay for my own visits, he started charging me $45 which I get $35 back from Medicare, really can't argue with that!

I'm still going through a lot of crap myself, but I'm happy to talk to anyone who might have questions about this. I'm not an expert but I've had almost 5 years dealing with this stuff myself.
Tanaka Khan
Posted 01:29pm 28/9/15
Am I the only one who thinks he looked like a bearded Peter Helliar? Honestly when I first saw the picture that's who I thought it was.
infi
Posted 02:05pm 28/9/15
I was thinking more Phillip Seymor Hoffman.
rrrocket
Posted 08:35pm 28/9/15
I've been on this forum since the early 00's.

I must admit I don't recall any of his posts. I actually wouldn't mind going back to read a few of what he had to say.

I'm actually touched by this. I don't know the guy but this is the closest i've become to someone who's taken their life through depression. Just an average bloke, not like celebrity status etc..

I think it's great that we can talk about it here too. But agree to talk to GP if you need a chat/advice.
Superform
Posted 12:10am 02/10/15
sad story - makes you think

rip dude
Obes
Posted 10:21pm 02/10/15
A different approach.

Suicide is one of the most selfish things anyone can do.

Don't be a d***, ring someone (Lifeline or Beyond Blue) and get help.
Tanaka Khan
Posted 12:19pm 03/10/15
Suicide is one of the most selfish things anyone can do.


Sorry Obes but when you're having drama that can lead up to suicide, you're not exactly thinking clearly...or of others.
Spook
Posted 10:59am 03/10/15
is there anything that obes doesnt have sand in his vagina about?
Khel
Posted 12:46pm 03/10/15
Yeah, that's the kicker, when you're that deep in depression you twist things around in your head to the point where you think suicide is actually the best thing you can do for everyone. The thought process isn't necessarily just "this is too hard, I can't deal with it" theres a lot of "I'm just a burden on my friends/family, they would be much better off without me around". You can actually convince yourself you're doing the best thing for your loved ones, its not actually a selfish decision inside the warped and twisted reality you've built in your mind.

Not that that makes it any better, if anything I think it just makes it even more tragic :(
Enska
Posted 02:21pm 03/10/15
Obes, showing us all he's the crustiest most stuck in the past mother f***** since well, the past.
infi
Posted 05:54pm 03/10/15
depressed people don't think straight. it is a mental illness. things are not working as they should be.
baz
Posted 08:14pm 05/10/15
i like to think of depression as a dead end in a maze.

You could retrace your steps and see where it went wrong if you so desired.
Dodgymon
Posted 08:29am 06/10/15
Sad news. RIP.


Apparently the GRL chick committed suicide over mounting financial issues however ironically she'd be rolling in it after the release of that song.
Obes
Posted 01:51am 07/10/15
This is not news worthy for a gamers website...

Paint it anyways you want.
People who have been in this community for decades never met him. I can't say I ever read any one of his posts.

And yeah thinking irrationally means you struggle to think rationally.... Try thinking rationally more. It leads to being less irrational!



Enska
Posted 06:23am 07/10/15
Why did you even feel the need to post that Obes?
Did you wake up from your crusty f***** sleep, wander to the dunny,dribble on your toes and then decide "hey, I'll check that thread and I'll write some more of my two cents up and come off as a monumental c*** once again!"
for someone who's supposed to be old maybe you should figure out the wise part too.
Joaby
Posted 09:30am 07/10/15
F*****g all the classic signs of a d******* who doesn't get it. "Try thinking rationally more!" is the same as "Have you tried NOT having a broken arm?"

Ahhh why am i feeding such ham-fisted lazy trolling.
Tanaka Khan
Posted 01:53pm 07/10/15
Try thinking rationally more. It leads to being less irrational!


Try not to be a complete d*** head more. It will lead to you being less of a d*** head!
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